hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
