i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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