She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
