She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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