HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
