The brown eye won't let me do that either.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
