Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
how does that bad decision feel?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
