I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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