College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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