You work out of a Hotel?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
