You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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