I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
