I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
