wanna go halves on a baby?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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