Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
