Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
