lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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