i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
