remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
