There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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