I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
