You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
