i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
