Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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