this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
