"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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