Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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