So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
