We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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