i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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