i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
