She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
