I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize