redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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