Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
