dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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