I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
