you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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