I didn't shave. On purpose
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
