I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
