How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
