Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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