you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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