eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
