Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And then my night got REAL pukey
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
