Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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