she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
