Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
