He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
