We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
