why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
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