i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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