talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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