there's paper in my vomit.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize