I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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