Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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