I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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