new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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