question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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