I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
