It's just like the Real World with babies
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
