Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
