haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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