About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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