Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize