Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
