Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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