I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
