I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
