And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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