If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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