I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
