My liver just broke up with me...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
