I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
