I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
