Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
