im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
