grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize