3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
