Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
