ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
