Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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