Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
