i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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