I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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