Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
