I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize