i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
