...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
