i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
