i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
