finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
